Though it's not a medically recognised condition, the state of having two left feet is a debilitating ailment. You long to dance at a wedding but trip over your own legs. You try shaking your 'booty' to the radio in the kitchen and impale yourself on a spatula. But frustrated dancers can rest easy now that Elite Beat Agents is here - let your hands do the dancing instead.
This is a sort-of sequel to the hit Japanese rhythm-actioner Osu! Tatakae! Ouendan that saw three male cheerleaders helping people out of tricky situations. By tapping the screen in time to J-pop tunes, you encouraged the cheerleaders to dance and get out of scrapes.
In this new game the cheerleaders have been replaced by the Elite Beat Agents, three be-suited officials who look like they should be DJing at a naff 'school disco' nightclub. The music's British and American now too, with a western-friendly range of artists such as Madonna and sk8er-boi Avril Lavigne.
Keep On Movin'
Vitally, however, the gameplay hasn't changed, and Elite Beat Agents sees you tapping numbered 'hit markers' on the touch screen in time to a range of songs across four difficulty levels. There are 16 songs (with three more unlocked if you play well) and they're repeated over the four difficulty stages.
Each song is accompanied by a comic-strip-style story that highlights a character in need of the Agents' assistance. What's impressive is that you'll find you actually care about what happens to these hapless souls and you'll feel like a heartless swine if you can't help them.
There are multiplayer modes for up to four people, though really you'll each need a copy of the game as only a limited versus mode is available via single-cart download. If your opponent's doing better than you in versus play, your hit markers shrink and the screen wobbles momentarily, penalising you for your dud timing.
So with the verdict so far being glowing, why hasn't this got a Gold Award? Well, the odd un-synced notes are off-putting. And the tracklisting is hit and miss - while Material Girl is perfect for the stranded bimbos story, what's David Bowie's Let's Dance got to do with oil barons? Still, these are minor gripes. Grab your stylus and dance.