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Emergency Heroes Review

Somebody call 999! We can't feel a pulse

In the future, buildings will be hewn from an electric blue still. They will dominate

the horizon with their unlikely silhouettes, and their glittering arcs will draw gasps from residents who have had their capacity for gasping enhanced by cybernetic implants. But most of all, the buildings of the future will catch fire really, really easily.

Auto-driven cars are being guided by unknown forces into road blocks, members of a gang are driving around at ludicrous speeds and casinos and fairgrounds are just plain combusting. While most of us would sit terrified in our homes and scream into the fridge whilst deciding which yoghurt to have for afters, Emergency Heroes is different by having you play the one surviving member of the emergency services capable of doing his job.

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By 'job', however, we mean 'complete a repetitive series of driving tasks that involve putting the accelerator to the floor and having little regard for your surroundings'. In your police car, you'll chase down those gang members, shunting them until they decide to pull over. On later levels they drive at such a similar speed to your own, that it's difficult to get the kiss-like collisions to register as a hit.

In the fire truck, you'll drive around a course, pressing A when you're told to, until you have pressed A enough times. To deal with the roadblocked cars, you simply drive a blue sausage-tank through the obstacles. Ambulance quests involve daring jumps, and... well, basically you're driving around doing not much else.

Wii Don't Need A Hero

Steering is managed, a la Mario Kart, by tilting the Wii Remote. It's not terribly sensitive to smaller movements, which replaces any sense of skilled control with a farcical hand jive that's only calmed down when you master the over-reactive handbrake drift. Emergency Heroes has nothing but driving, so making the driving unresponsive until you unlock the better-handling vehicles - by which time you'll probably have tired of the repetitive missions - seems like a short-sighted mistake on Ubisoft's part. But then, considering we suspect the game is aimed at young gamers who'll be too in awe of the ability to crash into anything without much of a penalty, it's likely it didn't think too hard about the details.

Essentially then, Emergency Heroes is a fine and immediately appealing game for people who don't take kindly to failure. You can't really fail missions - you just take forever to do them, and gold medals are disappointingly easy to attain. Plus, those with low self-esteem will enjoy the affirmations of the earpiece lady, who literally can't stop telling you how amazing you are.

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£20 might seem like an honest price point for a game of this calibre, but the novelty quickly wears off after a couple of hours, leaving you itching to play something a little more beefy. Still, it's better than anything in the similarly-priced Popcorn Arcade range at least.

Comments

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  1. dragon2s6 Thursday 12th Jun 2008 at 20:24

    I thought the graphical style of this game looked great. Those skyscrapers and vehicles really looked nice.

    But apparently it was really bad so...

  2. dragon2s6 Thursday 12th Jun 2008 at 20:25

    I thought the graphical style of this game looked great. Those skyscrapers and vehicles really looked nice.

    But apparently it was really bad so...

  3. Anonymous Monday 16th Jun 2008 at 13:53

    I thought the graphical style of this game looked great. Those skyscrapers and vehicles really looked nice.

    But apparently it was really bad so...

    I saw the advert for this, and the graphics belong on a PS1.

    It's like Emergency Mayhem all over again. ONM said it was flatlining, but it's obviously come back from the dead to haunt us once more...

  4. hulkbuster Monday 16th Jun 2008 at 15:46

    :oops: I'v done it again :!: i got this video game to day for Ł14.99 new from gamestation...So is it that bad :?: it can not be as bad as the IRON MAN and HULK games and there are others :?: well i'm going to give it a try anyway and if it is that bad i can always take it back :wink: :wink: .

  5. catscan93 Monday 16th Jun 2008 at 20:30

    Damn...this looked really good, i was looking forward to a good futuristic cop-chase game

  6. NintendoWiiNath Monday 16th Jun 2008 at 21:46

    is it me or do Ubisoft suck? i aint seen a good game from them in like ever lol

  7. Donal Tuesday 17th Jun 2008 at 14:29

    is it me or do Ubisoft suck? i aint seen a good game from them in like ever lol

    It's you. Ubisoft were a great developer, Rayman, Prince Of Persia, Splinter Cell etc.

  8. Yinga Garten Tuesday 17th Jun 2008 at 18:12

    Damn...this looked really good, i was looking forward to a good futuristic cop-chase game

    This game did actually look good to be honest. :cry:

  9. Smokerules123 Tuesday 17th Jun 2008 at 19:24

    Ubi Crap make the worst games ever on Wii - Bogz, Top Dumps, Emergency Zeroes (which you were reviewing), Diver: Parahell Whines, Telly Africkts and much more.
    The only games i like by them on the Wii are Raving Rabbids 2 and i am looking forward to TV Party (RR 1 is rubbish)

  10. umbrellaboy Thursday 19th Jun 2008 at 09:29

    I was re-reading some of my old issues of Onm to find out how far back SSBB had been in our minds, and in issue 13 you have a tiny caption about emergency heroes, and you seem to find the concept good, and you are hopeful, a year later and it is rubbish!
    I know this might happen a lot but i think it's quite funny!
    or extremely diapointing...
    or was it emergency you were talking about?
    ah, well, there both cr...rubbish

  11. NOMbowlingball Sunday 1st Feb 2009 at 15:08

    the games o.k for about 2hours but it's so repetitive.

    WARNING DON'T PLAY 4 MORE THAN A WEEK THE RISK OF SUICIDE IS HIGH!!

  12. jster99 Tuesday 2nd Jun 2009 at 16:42

    64!!!!!!!!!no way i got it ,the graphics are terrible i got bored of it and completed it in an hour and a bit its too easy as well and thats on hard mode

  13. jster99 Tuesday 2nd Jun 2009 at 16:44

    64!!!!!!!!!no way i got it ,the graphics are terrible i got bored of it and completed it in an hour and a bit its too easy as well and thats on hard mode

  14. jster99 Tuesday 2nd Jun 2009 at 16:45

    64!!!!!!!!!no way i got it ,the graphics are terrible i got bored of it and completed it in an hour and a bit its too easy as well and thats on hard mode

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